Monday, February 7, 2011

Fall Baby

I can hardly believe this is happening, but I am pregnant again! This was our third cycle trying since we had to sit out four cycles. I never thought it would happen again this quickly and I am so grateful and feel so lucky and blessed.

I must have had a subconscious good feeling about this month because I caved at 8DPO and tested. Of course, that early, nothing showed up. I tried again the next day and the next, still got nothing. At 11DPO, which was Friday, I got the faintest lightest line ever, which I convinced myself was an evaporation line or something I was just willing myself to see because I wanted it so badly. The next day, I got another super faint line that I barely believed. But Michael-Scott saw it. We got partially excited. We went to dinner at Vera and Sean’s and to my surprise he blurted out to them that we were possibly expecting. The next day I got another light line. Really light. I tested with a digital and it came out clear as day with an unmistakable “Pregnant.”

I am still in shock. I went out to breakfast with my parents on Sunday and told them. We were ordering drinks and my dad asked me if I wanted coffee, or a mimosa or something, and I said, “No I can’t have coffee or alcohol anymore.” I started smiling and they finally got that this wasn’t due to some new diet I was trying. My mom instantly started crying and my dad was thrilled. Of course he tried unsuccessfully to be reassuring by saying: “Don’t worry, even if you have another miscarriage, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. My coworker’s daughter just had a baby and she had several miscarriages before this pregnancy.” Thanks Dad, but reassurance fail. I don’t care though, I’m too excited.

We haven’t told anyone else yet, except of course all the ladies on the bump. I am still in shock and working really hard on staying positive and hopeful and keeping in mind that, as one bumpie so eloquently put it, my past doesn’t dictate my future. I may have been pregnant before, but I have never been pregnant with this baby before, everything is different and I’m trying to give this little pumpkin the same untainted, fearless and unfettered love I gave our little winter baby.