Exhausted

It's been a busy weekend and I am officially wiped out. On Saturday we went to a wedding that thankfully was only a few minutes from our house, but given that I'm normally in my PJs and reading in bed by 9:30, it was tiring to be out dancing that late. When we got home we had to get MS packed and ready for his trip. On Saturday we were up at 4:30 AM to drive him to the airport. Getting up at 4:30 is exhausting enough, but for some reason I've had baby-related insomnia almost every night, and I was going on a few hours of solid sleep. I came home and tried to get a few more hours in before heading to see my family. My brother left this morning so I wanted to spend the last day he was here with him.

I went out to lunch with my family, then my mom and I went out for ice cream and walked around the mall as much as she could manage, which wasn't much. I did discover that we have a Gap Maternity store in our mall, hiding out in the back of Baby Gap, which is awesome. We also have a new Destination Maternity, which is so convenient. I had dinner with my family, and got in a fight with my brother over taking him to the airport today. It was over some combination of him being difficult and me being tired, cranky and pregnant that ended up with me storming out of the house and refusing to drive him. I caved when he called me to apologize for being rude, so this morning I got up early to make yet another airport run, this time to LAX, which is a much more awful drive, especially on a Monday morning, and especially since my brother's dallying put us 45 minutes behind schedule. But, I was glad we made up and I was able to see him off. My mom cried as he left to go home to Virginia. She always gets teary, but today admitted she was especially sad as she thought of the possibility that this could be the last time she ever saw him.

After we got back, my mom took me out to lunch at a cute little restaurant overlooking a nearby lake. As we were eating, we saw a pregnant woman, and I was telling her how I sometimes wish I already had a baby bump, so I could get the same attention and understanding that someone who is obviously pregnant gets. I want people to know why I look a little bloated, why I'm tired, why I can't have sushi or a drink. Soon after, another woman, clearly undergoing chemotherapy, came in wearing a scarf over her bald head. My mom had the same feeling, that unlike the clearly bald woman, she's going through a lot and no one knows why she walks slowly, coughs a lot, and is easily tired.

Although she is grateful that on week 2 of chemo she still has her head full of beautiful blonde hair, and I am grateful I still fit in my skinny jeans, we both kind of want that outward, visible sign that would alert people to why we're so nauseated, weak and cranky. Though she'll probably cry when she does lose her hair, and I'll look forlornly at my bikinis when I have a huge baby bump, we'll have one advantage in that we'll have a badge to wear, and a sign to others going through what we are-hey let's talk babies, I'm pregnant too! Or hey I know how you feel, I'm also battling cancer. In one way it's uncomfortable to have everyone know about your health issues, but in another way, it will be comforting to receive the support and kindness that people are generous enough to extend to both pregnant women and cancer patients.